When you keep feeling like you’re not good enough, or you doubt your ability to achieve the things you want, low self-esteem might be part of the picture. It can make you lack confidence in all kinds of situations and leave you feeling like you can’t do anything right. People with low self-esteem often prefer to keep to themselves and are terrified of making mistakes.
Think of a student who knows the answer but never raises her hand in class, because she’s afraid someone else has a better answer or that the others will look down on her.
Low self-esteem can quietly affect your health, your relationships, and your work. It isn’t an illness – it’s more like the lens you use to see and feel about yourself. And the good news is that lenses can change.
Things like how you were raised, where you grew up, and even your natural temperament can all play a part. For example, so many of us were compared to our siblings, classmates, or other kids when we were little. As a child, you might start thinking “I’m not capable” or “I’m not good enough”. And even though that belief started in childhood, it often sticks around into adulthood unless you consciously work on it.
But the biggest piece is usually your own perspective. If your mind keeps telling you that you’re not worthy and don’t deserve good things, low self-esteem may be holding you back. Deep down you might know what you’re capable of, but negative thinking keeps chipping away at your sense of self-worth.
How to Identify Low Self-Esteem
It isn’t something you figure out in one go, but there are a few patterns you can look at to notice whether low self-esteem is affecting you. Some of them include:
- Not trusting your own opinion – imagine you’re in a group or a meeting discussing something and you hold back. You know your point is valid, but you decide it’s not worth saying.
- Avoiding challenges because you’re scared you won’t manage them and will fail. The fear that you’re not skilled or capable enough can grow, and you end up passing on good opportunities because you feel judged by others.
- Being really hard and harsh on yourself. Your inner voice says, “You’re not doing a good job”, yet when you look at someone else, you think, “Wow, she’s doing so well”.
When your self-esteem is low, it’s hard to appreciate your own efforts. You take everything to heart, blame yourself for so many things, and feel like a failure. And yet, you’re probably full of empathy for other people and completely understand them when they go through the exact same thing.
- When it gets really heavy, it can also bring anxiety, emotional distress, and inner turmoil. For example, when you’re feeling bad about yourself and keep asking, “Why does this always happen to me?”, or you feel like a victim, you may start to dislike yourself.
9 Signs of Low Self-Esteem
1. Lack of Confidence
Confidence in your abilities means you know you can rely on yourself in all kinds of situations. You trust yourself, and it’s easier to handle the ups and downs of life. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, drags down your confidence and colors the way you see everything that comes your way. Finding ways to rebuild your self-confidence can improve your self-esteem and your overall wellbeing.
If you want to dig deeper, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is a classic that breaks confidence down into everyday practices you can actually work on.
2. Lack of Control
Feeling in control of your life is such a great feeling. But when you’re dealing with low self-esteem, you may feel that you have no power to steer your life in the direction you want. It can seem like you have very few choices and can’t make the changes you’d like. Chances are, you’re underestimating yourself and what you’re able to achieve.
If you’re reading this and thinking “maybe I am struggling with low self-esteem…”, this is a great moment to start looking for small ways to empower yourself & take back control of your life.
3. Negative Comparison
Comparison can sometimes motivate you, but most of the time it just pulls your self-esteem down. When you compare yourself to others and see yourself as the glass half empty, you start feeling inadequate and not good enough. You may believe everyone around you is better than you. And social media makes it so much worse, because we end up comparing our real lives with everyone else’s highlight reel. I’ve been there myself, and if this one sounds familiar, here’s how to stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Trying To Face Problems By Yourself Rather than Asking for Help
When your self-esteem is low, it can be really hard to ask for what you need. Somewhere in your mind, you may feel like you don’t deserve help. You might also feel embarrassed to ask, because you think others will see you as incapable. Low self-regard can stop you from putting your needs first and talking about them with the people around you.
5. Negative Self-talk
Ideally, the voice in your head would be kind and supportive, like a good friend. But most of us naturally lean toward noticing what’s wrong, and low self-esteem turns that up even louder.
Your inner voice may start to sound like a strict critic: “You can’t do anything right”. You barely see the good in yourself and focus on your flaws instead of your strengths. When something goes wrong, you blame yourself for not doing enough, or for the way you look, or for who you are. If this is you, these steps on how to stop negative self-talk really helped me.
One small thing that makes a kinder inner voice easier to practice is a deck of positive affirmation cards – pull one each morning and read it out loud, even if it feels a bit silly at first.
6. Negative Outlook On Life
Low self-regard can surround you with a lot of negative energy. You may feel like you don’t have a bright future and that everything is lost. That hopelessness makes it hard to believe anything positive can happen in your life.
7. Trying Hard to Please Others
This is a really common sign of low self-esteem. When the belief “I’m not good enough” is there, you start to feel okay about yourself only under certain conditions.
“If I make others happy, then I’m good enough.”
You may notice that you go out of your way to get approval by keeping everyone else happy and comfortable. It can look like being afraid to say no, neglecting your own needs, or feeling guilty whenever you do say ‘no’.
If people-pleasing feels a little too familiar, The Disease to Please is a popular book that gently explains where the habit comes from and how to loosen its grip.
8. Finding It Hard To Accept Positive Comments
Maybe as a child you weren’t often praised for your abilities. You might have low self-esteem in certain areas, like school, your looks, or your skills. It’s interesting how many of us find it easier to accept praise in the areas we were praised for growing up. For example, someone who heard “you’re so pretty” as a kid may happily say “thank you” to that compliment today, but brush off “you’re great at your job”. If nobody encouraged your abilities and skills when you were younger, you may discount them now and not trust any praise at all. Next time, try simply saying “thank you” – people usually mean it.
9. Having No Boundaries
Being able to set boundaries with other people is such a healthy skill. If you don’t value yourself, you may find it really hard to set boundaries with friends, family, or coworkers. That’s usually because you’re afraid of being rejected or judged the moment you say what you need.
For friendly, practical scripts on saying what you need, Set Boundaries, Find Peace is a best-selling guide I'd happily hand to anyone working on this.
Conclusion
Self-esteem is a key ingredient for using your abilities, reaching your goals, and growing your self-love. It’s completely normal to feel low at some points in life, but long-lasting low self-esteem can take away your happiness and weigh on your mental health. Thank you so much for reading. If you recognize some of these signs in yourself, or in someone you care about, please know you don’t have to stay stuck there – small, kind steps can help you live with more confidence.
And please remember, this post isn’t a substitute for professional help. If low self-esteem or anxiety ever feels overwhelming, reach out to a therapist, your doctor, or a helpline – you can find a free helpline in your country. You deserve that support.
