A marriage is a beautiful relationship that brings two individuals together, based on mutual trust and respect.
If you ever find that you don’t feel happy around your spouse or that you can’t be yourself with your partner, it may be a sign that your marriage is on a rocky road. But it’s so easy to be in denial and not want to accept that the marriage is ending…
Today I want to tell you about some signs of an unhappy marriage, and I hope reading this article will bring you some much-needed clarity.
7 Subtle Signs of an Unhappy Marriage
1) You always criticize each other
It is usual for couples to fight, but when you start criticizing your partner’s every action, it may be a sign of an unhappy marriage. When words like always and never are used in a fight (“you NEVER do the dishes!”), it is an expression of all the pent up resent for the partner that has collected over the years.
2) You don’t talk anymore
Any successful relationship needs open communication, and when you stop talking to each other, it is a sign of an unhealthy marriage.
It is essential for married couples to share their problems, talk to each other about their day, and be able to share anything on their mind. However, if you’d rather speak to a friend than your spouse, it indicates distrust in your partner.
If you'd like help starting those harder conversations, Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson is a well-loved book that walks couples through talking about what they really need.
3) You don’t know your role in the marriage
Sometimes there can be so much distance between partners that it is hard to remember their role in marriage. If you feel uncertain or insecure, as if there’s a need to make him or her love you, it could be a warning sign of an unhappy marriage.
If you always feel vulnerable, it would sow the seed of doubt in your mind. And once you start doubting your partner, it’s a dark road from there. Doubt and insecurity are the two things that will consume a marriage, so if you are already feeling these emotions, your marriage is not headed in the right direction.
4) You don’t like spending time together
If you are both living in the same house, but choose to spend all the time apart, you may need to stop and think.
When someone is stuck in an unhappy marriage, they find escape by doing thigs without their partner. It may be as simple as staying late in the office, hanging out with friends every night, or joining a sports club just to avoid your spouse. All of these are a sign that you don’t understand each other, and that spending time with your spouse is not a priority anymore.
5) You stop turning towards each other
Couples who have unresolved, persistent conflict, and a pattern of low-grade, passive-aggressive hostility even when they’re not fighting, quickly stop viewing the other person as a source of comfort, support, or partnership.
They stop treating each other like friends: planning fun things, confiding in each other, sharing their feelings, or even talking about their day. They pull back—often due to a (realistic) fear of being rejected or attacked if they’re too vulnerable.
John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a classic that explains this "turning towards" idea and offers small, practical ways to rebuild friendship.
6) The romance is faded
When you marry someone, you are committing yourself to the other person, body, and soul. Intimacy is an incredibly important part of any marriage, and when two people vow to only be with each other for the rest of their lives, it is crucial to be in sync with each other physically.
If you notice that you aren’t intimate anymore, it may be a sign of a troubled marriage. Sex is a sign of bonding and trust, and a lack of it indicates that you are no longer attracted to each other.
7) Your fantasies don’t include your partner
When distance and distrust grow in a marriage, you start to imagine life without your partner.
You imagine all the vacations you could take, the fun you could have, or how happy you could be, and this causes the cold behavior to grow even worse. If your partner is not a part of your fantasies, it is a sure sign that you don’t like them anymore and are stuck in an unhappy marriage.
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It can be difficult for anyone to admit that they are in a loveless marriage, but recognizing the patterns and taking action now can save both parties much more pain in the future. I want to stress that these signs of unhappy marriage are not a sentence – it’s rarely too late to try and fix the marriage, as long as both partners are willing to work on it. Sometimes people simply need some time to rest, as life can be especially exhausting both physically and mentally.
If you both want to try, reading The 5 Love Languages together can be a gentle way to understand how each of you gives and receives love.
