Any relationship comes with its fair share of anxiety, with most people plagued by insecurities around whether their partner truly wants them or finds them attractive.
Anxiety like this is normal in small doses.
But if it starts to manifest as excessive fear and worry, it can impact your ability to feel confident and secure.
Excessive anxiety can steal the magic from what was once a loving and exciting partnership—turning it into something daunting and unenjoyable.
Coping with this anxiety can be a challenge for both sides, but it’s worth doing if you want to keep the spark in your relationship burning.
Let’s look at how you can change things for the better and ditch those anxious feelings…
Be Transparent About Your Emotions
Anxious thoughts are often deeply personal and even a little embarrassing.
But being vulnerable and sharing them with your partner is a crucial part of developing intimacy.
Keeping too many of your anxieties close to your heart could create distance between you.
It’s important that you let your partner in on your anxieties and what may trigger them.
Sharing your anxieties will allow your partner to understand them and provide you with support.
You may also find that after sharing your anxieties, they have less power over you and are proven baseless.
Question Your Anxiety
Don’t let your anxiety roam unchecked throughout your mind.
If you’re feeling anxious even when nothing bad is happening, then you should question why you’re feeling this way.
If you’re a naturally anxious person (like me), then your brain is probably good at creating hurtful thought processes.
As convincing as some of them may seem, you shouldn’t believe every anxious thought that crosses your mind, as these thoughts are often untrue.
Try to make a habit of interrogating your anxious thoughts.
For instance, don’t simply believe thoughts of your partner breaking up with you or finding you unattractive.
Try to take a step back.
Ask yourself why you’re feeling this way, and whether something has happened to validate these feelings or if they’re simply anxious ramblings.
Giving yourself space to question your anxiety can calm your mind and lead to you having more control over it.
Know When To Ask For Reassurance
Anxiety has a sneaky and insidious way of making you doubt things that are stable, which can cause significant emotional distress.
If you’re doubting your relationship, then it’s completely fine to ask your partner for some reassurance.
This is a normal thing to do, but make sure that you don’t do it too often as this can come across as needy, and neediness is known to extinguish romantic sparks.
Make sure that you’re not seeking reassurance every waking minute of the day, but that you lean into your partner to make you feel secure when you need it most.
Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness can help you to stay present and focus on what’s really going on around you, rather than on your inner anxious babble.
You can practice mindfulness by focusing on your breathing when you start to feel anxious.
Paying attention to how your breath flows in and out of your body is a great method for calming anxiety.
You could also try living in the moment by bringing your full attention to everything you do.
Putting this into practice could mean having a mindful date with your partner where you focus on what’s being said and done, and not on the in-between spaces that your brain fills with anxiety.
You’ll take the moment for what it is, which is a great way of grounding your thoughts and emotions.
Write Your Anxieties Down
Writing your thoughts down on a piece of paper or in a journal can be a great way of untangling some of the anxieties within them. Personally, mental health journaling is my key to resilience.
You’ll be able to distinguish between which thoughts are real and which are blown out of proportion.
In addition to writing down your anxious thoughts, try to document why these thoughts make you anxious.
Doing this can help you to reflect on your thought patterns and recognize where your anxiety is coming from.
This will make you more aware of how they are affecting your relationship.
Creating self-awareness around how you think is a crucial step in changing your anxious thought patterns.
Distract Yourself
As much as writing down and critically thinking about your anxious thoughts is important to cope with them, so is stepping away from these feelings.
You can do this by distracting yourself with things that you enjoy.
Whether it’s watching a movie or going out with friends, do things that take your mind off of what’s making you anxious.
It’s never a good idea to dwell on anxious thoughts.
Stepping away from them may leave you returning more level-headed and with new realizations that the anxiety is only a feeling, and that you get to decide to give power to it or not.
Don’t Compare Your Relationship
Comparing your relationship to the ones that you see around you can be a great source of anxiety.
To overcome this anxiety, you need to realize that every relationship looks and feels different.
Comparing yours to someone else’s won’t benefit you in any way.
This is especially true for relationships you see on social media.
These relationships often appear flawless.
But you probably know how easy it is to hide behind a screen.
Social media is often a façade.
Just because you don’t see your partner posting as many photos or videos about you as someone else’s doesn’t mean they love you any less or are no longer proud of you.
Comparing is not a good way of proving that your partner loves you.
Rather, focus on what your partner does for you and not on what you see other couples doing.
Seek A Little Outside Assistance
Sometimes, even if it seems like you’re coping from the outside, anxiety is something that you just can’t get a handle on.
No matter how hard you try.
And the worst part is it can affect every part of your relationship, from the way you interact to your libido and even your sexual performance.
All of this can lead to more anxiety.
If you’re battling to cope, you may need a little outside assistance.
This may be in the form of counseling, antidepressants, or medication for sexual issues.
Seeking this treatment won’t just benefit you, it’ll benefit your relationship.
At the end of the day, even the healthiest relationship comes with a side of anxiety every now and again.
But if it’s starting to cause cracks, now’s the time to act.
