10 Signs Your Partner Is Unhappy In Your Relationship

Updated on July 3, 2021 by Amber & The Team

Two fingers painted like an unhappy couple holding a broken heart

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Two fingers painted like an unhappy couple holding a broken heart

When our relationships are great, we feel happy, assured and empowered. But what if you suspect that your partner is… unhappy?

The sad truth is that sometimes, no matter what we do, our partner / husband / wife / fiance / boyfriend or girlfriend can secretly feel unhappy about the relationship you’re in. And because most people tend to avoid conflicts, it is very likely that your partner won’t be willing to share about it.

If you are concerned that something is missing from your relationship, here are a few signs your partner is unhappy or at least irritated. Let’s take a look.


10 Signs Your Partner Is Unhappy In Your Relationship


1) Your Partner Keeps Reminding You Of The Past Issues


A tell-tale sign that your partner is unhappy is the tendency to fight over the past problems or something that you’ve done in the past.

This can happen when your partner is unhappy AND unconsciously looking for a way to justify these feelings by creating a fight where there shouldn’t be one.


2) Your Partner Has Unexplained Mood Swings


If your partner seems to be happy at the moment but transforms into a grumpy or angry person shortly after and without a particular reason, it might be a sign of ongoing inner conflict. Specialists believe this happens because of a person’s inability to discuss what makes him or her unhappy and it results in one being sensitive and irritated. Unexplained bursts of anger can also signal that your partner is unhappy and tired of giving effort for your relationship.


3) Your Partner Gives You Silent Treatments


If you used to be the couple who couldn’t wait to chit-chat about their day to day activities, silent treatment or something that closely resembles it could also be a sign that your partner is unhappy. In it’s purest form, a silent treatment will follow after a fight and last for a pretty long time, but it can happen even without a fight.

For example, if you are trying to engage in a conversation and your partner answers with a few short words only – it’s just similar to the silent treatment. Another related behavior is when your partner just ignores your attempts to talk entirely and rather watches TV or plays video games.

Related: 10 Rules That Keep a Relationship Strong


4) Your Partner Does Not Listen To You


Another behavior that is closely linked to the” silent treatment” is the “we’ve already discussed this” ultimatum. If you are trying to resolve a problem and your partner shuts you off, it might be a sign that your partner is unhappy – he is just not interested to find a mutual consensus. Yet, even though it might seem like a mission impossible, re-engaging in a conversation could be really helpful here.

If you are looking for ways to improve your relationship and communication with your partner, these books are absolutely worth reading and can teach you a lot:

Book cover of feeling good together: The secret to making troubled relationships work by David Burns

Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

A wonderful book for any kind of relationship problems – whether it would be your partner, your colleague or friend. It will teach you to find the real reasons why you can’t get along with the person in your mind and how to deal with any interpersonal problem quickly and effectively. Written by my favorite CBT teacher, doctor David D. Burns, who also wrote a completely life-changing book Feeling Good – The New Mood Therapy which helped me beat a lot of anxiety issues.

Get Feeling Good Together book for relationships here

And you can also check out the Feeling Good – New Mood therapy book here

Book cover of The 5 Love languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

This is a must-read for every couple! If you want to learn how to mend, tend and grow your relationship, this book will give a ton of invaluable insights and ideas on how to keep that fire burning. It is helpful in any relationship state so it doesn’t matter if you guys are in a crisis or a honeymoon phase – there’s something to learn for everyone. Get this book here


5) Your Partner Talks About His / Her Colleagues… A Lot


No one is happy to hear their partner constantly chatting about those “awesome coworkers”… But since we spend most of our time in workplaces, it happens quite often. Noticing that your partner can’t stop talking about colleagues can be a sign that’s something is missing in your relationship and it makes your loved one focus on other people.


6) Your Partner Compulsively Buys Unnecessary Stuff


Some studies observed that men, just like women, are prone to compulsive shopping and they do it when they feel unhappy in some part of their life, including their relationships. A sudden burst of new purchases might also be a sign that your partner is unhappy or unsure about the commitment to your relationship (therefore seeks value in possessions).


7) Your Partner Forgets (?) To Apologize


When your partner is unhappy, he can seem to forget to apologize after you’ve had a fight or disagreement. Yes, it’s pretty weird to feel that someone forgot to say “sorry”, especially if that person was the one who started a fight. Mostly, it happens when a partner believes that there is nothing else to do about the situation or still feels angry inside even though the problem is sorted out.


8) Your Partner Hides His / Her Phone


This is more than a sign that your partner is unhappy… It might tell you that your partner is looking for someone else. Being extremely careful with one’s smartphone could mean that your partner is trying to hide something and it’s one of the most important signs your partner is unhappy.


9) Your Partner Looks Way Happier With His or Her Friends


If you feel like you are always making something wrong in your relationship (even though you try really hard for it), you probably did nothing wrong. People that are unhappy in their relationships tend to make their partners feel like nothing is ever enough and they usually look a lot happier with their friends. They also want to spend as much time with their friends as possible and skip activities you both used to enjoy.


10) Your Partner Stopped Paying Attention To His / Her Appearance


A big sign that shows your partner is unhappy is if he / she stopped trying to impress you. Of course, this can happen because of many reasons, including depression, stress or illness. But if everything seems to be OK and your partner just became careless, it might be a signal that your relationship is no longer worth the effort for him / her.

– – – – – –

No matter how good or bad your relationship is, it always takes time to design and keep a healthy relationship. It requires commitment, along with the willingness to pass over the issues together.

If you observe one of these signs that your partner is unhappy, try to discuss it. The answer might be just on the tip of your partner’s tongue.

If you talk and feel like there’s a mutual wish to make things better, it might be a great idea to seek the support of a couple’s therapist to make the process easier.

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