When and How To Talk To a New Partner About Your Mental Health

The importance of mental health has been the subject of a huge amount of attention over the past decade—and with good reason. It’s a personal and sometimes sensitive topic but it plays a massive role in the way that we interact with other people and feel on a day-to-day basis.

When you’re in the process of entering a new romantic relationship, deciding on the when, how, where, and what of sharing details about your mental health can feel daunting, especially if you have a condition that might not be obvious to some people.

Opening up conversations can be the first step to free and honest communication, and can signal to your new partner that you might need support in some areas of your relationship. Throughout this process, though, remember to seek professional help if you need it: a mental health expert can provide personalised recommendations on how to approach this topic.

If you’ve already taken that step, or you feel you’ve got it under control, read along as we discuss how to navigate talking about mental health.

Why Talk About Mental Health?

Any couples counsellor worth their salt will tell you that relationships are built on trust. Minor white lies aside, you shouldn’t hide anything from your partner, and sharing what makes you tick early on can be a great way to set expectations and develop budding communication patterns and techniques.

If you begin to open an honest communication route, it could lead to your new partner sharing similar details with you about their own mental health struggles, which could deepen your bond and normalise mental health conversations for the future.

Unfortunately, many mental health conditions are still misunderstood or not talked about enough. In some cases, unless your partner is a healthcare professional with a Graduate Certificate in Advanced Nursing or similar, they may lack an understanding of your condition or circumstances. Having an open conversation with them about it might present an opportunity to spread education and awareness.

If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, or other conditions which can be enabled or exacerbated by triggers, this conversation can make your partner aware of this so they can support you if you experience a mental health episode.

The Relationships Indicator Survey from 2011 found that communication difficulties and lack of trust were two of the top four reasons that relationships broke down between couples, so starting these conversations early can be a good way to avoid developing issues further into the relationship.

When is the Right Time?

There’s no universal ‘right’ moment, so a lot of it depends on you and your partner. Comfort, relationship dynamics, how ‘serious’ you want the conversation to be—these can all be factors when starting the discussion.

It’s important to wait until you feel secure with your partner and are sure that they’re compassionate and trustworthy. Waiting until you’re in a relevant situation can be a great way to start the conversation—for example, if you’re watching a show and there is a realistic depiction of a panic attack, it could be a good time to begin talking about mental health and its importance.

At the end of the day, though, it’s best to prioritise your own readiness and think about sharing as an active choice rather than an obligation.

How to Bring It Up

First of all, make sure you’re somewhere private and familiar, and at a time where you won’t be interrupted. It’s an important conversation, so make sure you give it the space and time to be important. Then, it’s all about honesty and setting the stage properly. Make it clear that you want to share something personal that means a lot to you, then clearly explain your condition, its impact on you, how you manage it, and how you would feel supported by their actions. Using examples can help, especially if your partner is not affected by any mental health conditions.

Remember, they’re probably going to have questions and share their feelings, and this is completely normal. The conversation is also a good time to set boundaries about what you want to talk about and the level of detail you’re comfortable with going into.

What To Say—Some Concrete Examples

The specifics of what you talk about are entirely dependent on your background and relationship stage. With that being said, here are some sentence starters that can help:

• “I have [condition], which makes me feel [symptom].”
• “It’s been difficult, but I manage with [therapy, medication]”.
• “Sometimes, I need someone to [how they can help].”
• “You don’t need all the answers right now—I’m always open to having this sort of conversation”.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this conversation because relationships and mental health are some of the most personal parts of our lives. There are massive benefits to deepening your connection with your partner if you choose to share this conversation with them, but trust your instinct and experience for when and how to open up.

If you’re unsure of which direction to go, consult a therapist or counsellor to get tailored guidance for opening up.

Amber + Team

Hi! I am author + writer on personal development, beauty, relationships and self-care, sharing insights through this blog since 2018. After years of practicing personal growth, emotional wellness and feminine lifestyle (plus 19 years in a thriving relationship), I share effective and tested advice to help you foster beauty, self-improvement and order in your life. Some articles are written by a small team of beautiful writers I trust.